Monday-Friday I take the same trip. I call it the "Working Mother's Guilt Trip".
June Cleaver led the ideal life. She lived, breathed and functioned solely for her family. Her house was clean, she cooked every meal, tended to her husband's and children's every whim and always looked like a magazine cover. Heck,she even got to sleep in her own for goodness sakes! Many societal studies show that her character in "Leave it to Beaver" set the expectation of of middle class suburban wives. They were to stay home and manage housework, child care and the needs of their husbands. This meant that working mothers were found in one of two places- 1) The Farm 2) The Street.
Although the television series ended in the 1960's the perception that "good mothers" must remain solely in the home and never enter the work force while their children are living in their homes continues to resound in our country to this day. Log on to any website intended for mothers and you will see what I call the "Great, Never Ending, Toe Stomping Working Mom vs. S.A.H.M (stay at home mom) Debate". Find an article reference this and scroll down to the comments section. All I have EVER found is mud slinging from both sides, but as a working mother the type of comment that punches me in the gut, guilts me, makes me cherry-red faced mad and maybe a little crazy typically go like this-
"I wholeheartly believe any one can live on one income. IT CAN BE DONE! I have seen it done on very small incomes. I think it is down right selfish to have children and then pay someone else to raise them. Your child will spend more time at daycare than with you. who do you think is then teaching your child to walk, and talk, and you miss it all because you are at some job making that almighty dollar!"
Or
" (…) you learn to live within your means. Most people are infatuated with the latest and greatest material crap the world has to offer. Your kids would rather have you than a SUV and a big house."
And let's not leave out....
So, what they are saying is that I am a selfish, neglectful, narcissistic, materialistic, keeping with the the Jones', rich woman who abandons her children while paying un-Godly amounts of money to people to raise my children for me while I live only for myself in a mansion while driving a large SUV (pah!) all while damaging the children I never should have had beyond repair. Not only am I feeling below an inch tall now I am also on the look-out for Child Protective Services to come take my beautiful children from my undeserving custody!
Allow me to offer a sneak peek into my reality- I have four children at various stages of life. They each have their own needs, wants, hobbies and plans for their future. I also have things in pairs- Two car notes, two mortgages and two student loans. Living expenses, retirement savings, Christmas fund savings (where ya at elves?), medical bills, grocery bill (because of SIX mouths to feed this is a weekly bill), gas for those two vehicles, home maintenance, and on-and-on-and-on-and-on-and-on for forever it seems. All of this is accomplished with out government assistance or assistance from our families (not knocking those who do utilize this aid, it is just not a reality for my family) with little to nothing left over each month. Two incomes to feed the out going water-fall. My husband and I are blessed to have successful careers and opportunities to provide for our family. Would I like to stay at home and be there for my children more? OF COURSE!!!!!!!!!!!!! Is this a reality for my family? No.
My ideal day begins at
4:30am- I go to the gym before anyone misses me.
5:30- get in the shower as to avoid being counseled for foul body odor at work.
5:45 wake up Monster 1 and Monster 2 (The teen-rager and pre teen-rager luckily wake themselves via alarm clocks).
6:20- make sure the husband is out of bed.
6:45- pack lunches, brush Monster 1 and Monster 2's teeth, assure Monster 1 is wearing socks, perform the salon duty of styling Monster 1 and Monster 2's hair, find the perfect bow for Monster 1, check back-packs and try to get three children to the bus stop at:
6:50- and then speed off to drop off Monster 2 at daycare, where at 3.5 years of age baby boy still asks that I carry him into daycare like a baby and I happily oblige. I hug, kiss, give words of encouragement for the day and try to leave <--- Repeat 6 times.
7:00- speed like a mad woman (in a mini-van) towards work (30 minute trip)
I work all day and then speed towards the daycare at 4:30 pm
5- Pick up Monster 1 and Monster2
5:30- Run errands
6:00- Cook dinner (or watch Hubby Hubs do it)
7:00- bath time
8:30- bed time
I don't like to brag, but I think I have this worked down to a science. That is, when it actually goes according to this meticulous plan (on average 2 times a month).
The one thing you won't see on my face? Guilt. But I do feel it in my heart every day. I should be home teaching my children. But how will we feed, clothe and provide for their desires (yep, those are important to kids as well)? I should be home cleaning. But isn't that why I had the kids? (I kid, I kid..... Or am I?)
My heart gets dropped off every morning, but my responsibility to provide for my family drives me to work.
My point in this post? No one can decide what is right for your family other than you, your significant other and the Man upstairs. No amount of mud slinging will justify the decisions you have made nor will the mud slinging make you look any better.
So can we finally put out the fire behind this debate?
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